I really think that the stress of paperwork and grading at the end of the quarter has made me physically sick. I am in so much pain from upper back and arm muscle spasms (massage therapist says typical of too much computer and stress) and I feel ill, poisoned, just really awful. Trying to take care all day despite having work to do. Work, rest, work, rest. The paperwork at school is just overwhelming. I'm working so hard to keep up and NOT let it affect my class and curriculum. Experiential and involved teaching is time consuming. It's the most important part of my job. But to do that and all the crap is killing me.
Our ways of teaching are so thoughtful, active, experiential. How do we do that and all the ridiculous nonsense CPS requires? Constant rewrites of curricular paperwork, evaluations, ABOUT the paperwork, long redundant unit plans on top of lesson plans, on top of other similar stuff, wasting time with long meetings, and then more and more paperwork... DESPITE our contractual protection of no increased paperwork. We are mandated to do so much at Curie.
I just wonder how long we can keep this up and still be good teachers in the classroom. Sorry for venting, but I know you all feel this way and are struggling too. Maybe it helps for us to talk about it.
I read this post to my doctoral seminar class last week as we were reading a piece about neo-liberalism. I couldn't help but think that what you are expressing is a kind of alertness to the neo-liberal conditions being set forth in our schools. I see the way in which you choose to teach each day as a kind of resistance to this agenda. You have such compassion and wide-awakeness in your practice. It does feel lonely to live this way when everything around you is trying to shut you down the idea of possibility. You might have to envision your mission in education right now as a kind of reconnaissance mission. I'll let you visualize what that might look like. Another one of my teachers proposes the idea of dangerous citizens. Again, you can visualize what that looks like. Let me know if you want any readings around these ideas. You are doing the right thing and you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteKate, I do want readings. I like your idea of envisioning myself differently. Part of the problem is we envision ourselves as functioning a certain way in our teacher practice. Of course it makes sense because it is the way we know how to work best. But, that is NOT our reality anymore. It feels like we (and all education) is under attack from many different angles. If I THINK of myself as a "revolutionary" or on a "reconnaissance mission", something feels a bit different. I think my mission changes from being a good teacher to... fighting to stay a good teacher maybe. Hmmmm "dangerous citizens" what did they mean? Does that make us Guerrilla teachers? I think so. You gave me a bit I can use there. Though I will have to remind myself every day. Expectations have to change. The definition of my job and requirements has to change. At least in my head. We are all fighting this battle to stay great, experiential teachers despite CC or changing Network/CPS demands, or admin mandates. DESPITE it all, we try to remain true. I feel slightly less frustrated (just now) if my role is redefined in this way. Yes, I need more. I'd like to hear what else your class thinks, and would love to read more, hear more from Studio Thinking teachers. Other teachers must be coping with this in their own ways, I could use that wisdom. So much is at stake right now.
ReplyDeleteValerie, I wanted to drop a line to say you are not alone. I am home on maternity leave right now from an unexpected, early labor, so I never had the chance to begin the school year and am already fretting about returning. I've spoken to several teachers at various schools and can tell you that some of the best teachers I know are doubting their ability to teach at the level to which they are accustomed and stay on top of the paperwork and other requirements of their job. Of particular concern was their ability to maintain their "Superior" rating with the new rating system. Personally I've already accepted that my rating will go down. I decided that I would rather focus my efforts on providing my students quality teaching and engaging lessons in the classroom rather than trying to hit every item on some matrix. It's just not where I want to focus my limited energy. The sort of teaching we do can be exhausting, but we have satisfaction in knowing our students are more engaged, thoughtful, and experienced because of it. In the past, when I've felt discouraged in my teaching or with the performance of a particular class, I took the time to ask them to reflect upon what they've learned and enjoyed about my class thus far. I also ask them to address how my role as teacher impacted their learning and how I can better serve them. These sorts of conversations can often put things in perspective for me. They allow me to see the positive outcomes of my work. You can even request a letter from them - the narrative format encourages them to be more conversational and elaborate a bit. Keep your chin up. You do AMAZING work. CPS is fortunate to have teachers like you.
ReplyDeleteIt is so interesting to hear you speak about 1. accepting, 2. focusing, 3. choosing where to focus, 4. keeping your perspective about what is important, 5. relying on the real feedback we get from students to validate and evaluate what we do (instead of the rating system). I could learn from that. I wonder if your yoga has anything to do with your ability to let go. (I am not good at that). I was just talking with a student teacher today and he was explaining how his spiritual teachings have helped him with coping in the classroom. It made me realize how much I've lost regarding that and how much stress I allow. That made me think of you and how you bring yoga into your classroom, and that is perhaps an avenue to explore. Then, voila! There you are, writing on the blog. How perfect. You are right in your view of trusting ourselves to perform our craft as we know it is best, to focus on perfecting and honing that, adapting to the students needs. It is so hard to not let the other stuff interfere. It's making me angry and bitter, but how useful is that? Just breathe, open up, let go, and act. Thanks so much!
DeleteAs you know, we've been overwhelmed with paperwork and all things extra in the last three years as well as constant, tumultuous change. My rating, as did the ratings of my veteran colleagues, went down (1-point from Superior to be specific). It is insulting to say the least, especially when presenting evidence to the contrary during my post-observation. I will address the new Arts Addendum at the pre- and post- as I have a non-arts admin looking at my classroom. I've already sent one of my non-tenured staff members into the post with it. My staff member opened with this discussion, the evidence and the addendum and it refuted the inaccurate score immediately. I don't how to fix this. It seems as if the odds are not in our favor as experienced (aka expensive) veteran art educators, but I know that I'm darn good at what I do and I hope that this too shall pass. My doctor recommended yoga and meditation when the school year opened because of the stress- it was so bad that I still couldn't shake off last year by the middle/end of August! It has helped as has stepping away from a lot of the "extra" that I do not need to take on. I work for my department and the art students, past present and future. Interestingly enough a former IB Art student of mine (2006 graduate) was in my classroom observing last week. She will be my student again next year at Columbia in the graduate MAT program. I look at it this way- I've done something right when my former students pursue careers in arts and communication fields. She is my first art teacher!
DeleteBeth, ya know, you hit it right on the head. It is the fear behind REACH and the threats regarding all these mandates that has us scrambling. And for what? I hear again and again how the new evaluations reduce our rating despite all evidence to the contrary. Before, my success was seen in the students. Look at that wonderful young lady your are referring to. She is evidence of your success! I keep telling myself that, despite what's coming down the road.
DeleteA parent posted this on Facebook. Thought a little levity could help. http://wgna.com/richies-song-for-teachers-common-core-standards-audio/?trackback=fbshare_mobile
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